This post landed in front of my eyeballs at a moment where it speaks to a lot of elements of my own that I’ve been trying to balance - a key one being, how generous is “generous enough” and how much that can hinge on day to day (or minute to minute) realities on the giver’s side. In addition to the excellent thoughts you expressed, I’ll add that for certain individuals, giving anything will always feel like too much, regardless of what’s happening in their lives, and to other individuals, anything they receive will never feel like enough (also regardless of what’s happening in their lives). So your husband’s interpretation is spot on but your observations about birthing sectional sofas and so forth are also highly relevant (as well as parking some visuals in my head that are impossible to remove 🤣). And may I take a minute to applaud and just enjoy a perfectly turned phrase: “It’s just a wonderful consequence of not having a tightly curled fist.” Great post and hope that your business continues to grow and thrive.
I struggle with that question too- “what is generous enough” - and I honestly think it’s something you feel in your body. The lack or the “enoughness”. Of course this takes the ultimate effort - to be in tune with ourselves.
Thank you for this… I think about this topic a lot for
some reason. I realized that generosity is one of my top values, and it bewilders and sometimes makes me feel angry when I see situations or interact with people who don’t value it, especially those who feel like they “should” be more generous bc (I think) they have the money, time and resources for it. Yet I also realize that I have more money, time and resources than many people, and could give more. I also often think about how, while giving shouldn’t be done with the expectation of receiving, giving too much to the same person or situation without receiving any reciprocation or true appreciation can leave even the most genuinely-generous people feeling depleted or resentful and not wanting to give in that way anymore. This isn’t because they are giving with the expectations of getting something in return (which can feel like the most shameful thing to a “giver”) but because they must protect this beautiful part of themselves so that they can keep giving freely and without expectation.
Ok this is getting too long… I think I might write a post on it 😆 Thanks for “giving” me the inspiration.
I really appreciate this sentiment so much - 'we each give from exactly what we have'. How true this is. And helpful when I consider when I lament I haven't received from people - i.e. compassion, softness, when I've wanted it. They haven't had it themselves to give.
I love how you phrase it "when I lament what I haven't received" - and isn't it so true that it's usually softness. I think it's what we all long for in a world where we're often told we're "too sensitive" x
Your husband is a smart smart man and I need to do a better job of keeping those charitable words in mind. It also makes me want to just give more to others…
What a wise man he is! (And, after a moment to swallow the bitter pill of your partner being right...wise woman you are too!)
This really hits (as always), and for me ties into the other posts you've written about interrogating our envy. When we're feeling good about life and where we're at, often we're our (or I am my) most generous. I'm not trapped in that scarcity mindset and am happy to share my knowledge or time because I'm not feeling in competition with or jealous of other people. But if I'm feeling frustrated or disappointed in myself for not achieving a goal or showing up how I want to - that's when I notice the green eyed monster appearing!
Thank you Tessa! Expectations, reciprocity, 'feeling good about one's self'. I've been practicing a persistent smile no matter what happens in and around me. It works most of the time. When it does, it always feels like a gift.
I say: "It is probably true to say that 'you get what you deserve'. But that is not the measure of your worth, it is only a gauge of how much you will still learn."
“We each give from exactly what we have” and if we wish we had more (to give), we project it in others, ranting about how little they give. Noticing the projection, for me, is usually the first step. And noticing that lingering finger over the like button, pondering who knows what… Being generous is a verb, and I also want to cultivate that approach in more areas of my life.
I’ve been contemplating the notion of generosity and abundance a lot lately. Thanks for sharing your thoughts (and a few chuckles) on it! Birthing an L-shaped couch is an amazing metaphor that I will be mentally holding onto for a while.
I think it all depends on why you’re giving the like! Or why you’re giving anything! If you can give without expecting to receive then I see no problem m’lady
This post landed in front of my eyeballs at a moment where it speaks to a lot of elements of my own that I’ve been trying to balance - a key one being, how generous is “generous enough” and how much that can hinge on day to day (or minute to minute) realities on the giver’s side. In addition to the excellent thoughts you expressed, I’ll add that for certain individuals, giving anything will always feel like too much, regardless of what’s happening in their lives, and to other individuals, anything they receive will never feel like enough (also regardless of what’s happening in their lives). So your husband’s interpretation is spot on but your observations about birthing sectional sofas and so forth are also highly relevant (as well as parking some visuals in my head that are impossible to remove 🤣). And may I take a minute to applaud and just enjoy a perfectly turned phrase: “It’s just a wonderful consequence of not having a tightly curled fist.” Great post and hope that your business continues to grow and thrive.
Oh and I’m glad the sectional sofa imagery worked its magic 😂
I struggle with that question too- “what is generous enough” - and I honestly think it’s something you feel in your body. The lack or the “enoughness”. Of course this takes the ultimate effort - to be in tune with ourselves.
Thank you for this… I think about this topic a lot for
some reason. I realized that generosity is one of my top values, and it bewilders and sometimes makes me feel angry when I see situations or interact with people who don’t value it, especially those who feel like they “should” be more generous bc (I think) they have the money, time and resources for it. Yet I also realize that I have more money, time and resources than many people, and could give more. I also often think about how, while giving shouldn’t be done with the expectation of receiving, giving too much to the same person or situation without receiving any reciprocation or true appreciation can leave even the most genuinely-generous people feeling depleted or resentful and not wanting to give in that way anymore. This isn’t because they are giving with the expectations of getting something in return (which can feel like the most shameful thing to a “giver”) but because they must protect this beautiful part of themselves so that they can keep giving freely and without expectation.
Ok this is getting too long… I think I might write a post on it 😆 Thanks for “giving” me the inspiration.
I really appreciate this sentiment so much - 'we each give from exactly what we have'. How true this is. And helpful when I consider when I lament I haven't received from people - i.e. compassion, softness, when I've wanted it. They haven't had it themselves to give.
I love how you phrase it "when I lament what I haven't received" - and isn't it so true that it's usually softness. I think it's what we all long for in a world where we're often told we're "too sensitive" x
Your husband is a smart smart man and I need to do a better job of keeping those charitable words in mind. It also makes me want to just give more to others…
He is a wise one. And I think about what he said all the time now when I am in a struggle with my own generosity.
What a wise man he is! (And, after a moment to swallow the bitter pill of your partner being right...wise woman you are too!)
This really hits (as always), and for me ties into the other posts you've written about interrogating our envy. When we're feeling good about life and where we're at, often we're our (or I am my) most generous. I'm not trapped in that scarcity mindset and am happy to share my knowledge or time because I'm not feeling in competition with or jealous of other people. But if I'm feeling frustrated or disappointed in myself for not achieving a goal or showing up how I want to - that's when I notice the green eyed monster appearing!
Hard to argue when he's making such sound points! Tail between my legs, lol...
Glad it all hit for you. We're all just over here trying to make our lesser selves a bit better!
Thank you Tessa! Expectations, reciprocity, 'feeling good about one's self'. I've been practicing a persistent smile no matter what happens in and around me. It works most of the time. When it does, it always feels like a gift.
I say: "It is probably true to say that 'you get what you deserve'. But that is not the measure of your worth, it is only a gauge of how much you will still learn."
“We each give from exactly what we have” and if we wish we had more (to give), we project it in others, ranting about how little they give. Noticing the projection, for me, is usually the first step. And noticing that lingering finger over the like button, pondering who knows what… Being generous is a verb, and I also want to cultivate that approach in more areas of my life.
Thank you for these words.
I’ve been contemplating the notion of generosity and abundance a lot lately. Thanks for sharing your thoughts (and a few chuckles) on it! Birthing an L-shaped couch is an amazing metaphor that I will be mentally holding onto for a while.
I liked this subject! Interesting to think of instagram hearts as giving. My kids call it feeding the algorithms.
I’ve been told I give too much. But if giving brings me joy, where is the problem?
I agree with you - giving can create more opportunities for gratitude.
I think it all depends on why you’re giving the like! Or why you’re giving anything! If you can give without expecting to receive then I see no problem m’lady
So true Louise. Placing the burden on others to be grateful is a bit like drinking poison I reckon!