34 Comments
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Kiya Taylor's avatar

A stunning piece Tessa! I’ve got a half written draft in my folder loosely titled, “An inadequate list of apologies I’d make to all the mothers before me” — because I have so many moments where I shudder at the way I missed the connection opportunities with my friends who went through this first. Your piece has reminded me it’s never too late to try make that connection. Thank you. I hope you’re recovering well 🤗

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Or perhaps they totally understood all along <3

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Violet Carol's avatar

Those baby toes are perfection. I hope this third month is bringing the beginnings of some light into your postpartum healing! This was a beautiful post 💘

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Kristine G.'s avatar

Thank you for this and how you described postpartum and the insane mind warp becoming a mother is like. I feel sorrow for all the moms before me I wasn’t there for because I didn’t get it. Now I know and will always show tenderness, kindness, and lots of homemade food and diaper changes.

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Lish Andres's avatar

So incredibly accurate, thank you for writing this!

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Thank you for reading it and congrats on your little addition to the universe (saw in your restack you have a 2 month old) 💗

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Shinay Tredeau's avatar

Thanks for sharing your experience. I also just wrote my own bit about the first few weeks (months) after giving birth. My son was born 30 July 2024. I love that we both use the word “wild,” and speak about the things we just didn’t understand before motherhood. Brava! It’s a trip for sure.

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Wild feels like the only appropriate word in so many respects! Congrats to you on the birth of your little boy :) x

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Vanessa Rose Lima's avatar

I feel this so deeply, especially the part about grief and wanted to apologize to your mom friends before you! This is beautiful and know that you are not alone, mama ♥️.

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Amanda DeWoody's avatar

So much wisdom here!

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

<3

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Sarah Hawthorn's avatar

Being a mum to a mum is like reliving those early days all over again - lots of memories good (and tricky) - and a reminder of that circle of life. You put it all so well.

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

<3

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Anna Beecher's avatar

I resonated with this so much. Thank you for sharing it. What you say about the resemblance of postpartum to grief is really striking to me. During labour with my first baby, I felt that my experience of bereavement was helpful - somehow, I could get through birth because I had seen death. And then, the newborn days, where the whole world feels remade are so like the raw early days of bereavement in a way. You articulate it beautifully. There’s a long essay in my book about all this - I’d love to send it to you if you’re interested. Thanks again for your words

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Hey Anna - yes DM it to me! I think there's a lot more to say on the connection between birth and death, and I'm certainly only scratching the surface

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Jennifer Bush's avatar

Lovely piece!

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Thank you! xx

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Mary Joan Cunningham's avatar

I didn’t have a child until 44 and I have absolutely been that friend who didn’t know what to do/ask/give friends as they became mothers. I was lucky that when I finally did, they all knew what to do. It’s a powerful society, isn’t it? That you can pass a complete stranger but immediately share deep knowing once either one of you realizes that you’re both mothers. The unsolicited yet valuable advice I’ve gotten from mom passersby!

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

yes, it's already opened up so much empathy and connection. And for what its worth I think we were all that friend once x

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Amy McGrath's avatar

Another mum mum here, I loved this piece. It's certainly been an upheaval, difficult but wonderful.

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Thank you Amy! We're in the cave together ;)

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Léonie's avatar

Lovely piece. Looking back after having my own baby I also felt ashamed at my lack of interest and compassion for my friends as they became mothers. Becoming a mother was a shock. I didn’t feel the swell of hormone laden love soup you’re ‘supposed’ to feel for your baby and felt completely lost during those early months. I also grieved hard for the woman I had been. That was near 5 years ago now. The deep love and adoration I have for my son did come - I much preferred the toddler years to the baby ones - and the essence of the woman I grieved is back now with more compassion, more strength and resilience and more joy. I like to think she grew up a little bit.

Keep writing about this time - these years are so overlooked and under discussed. Good luck!

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Thank you for this really honest and moving comment. It's not easy to share the truth of the experience so thank you thank you... I think it's a love that grows, no matter how much you feel on day 1. Sending love to you! x

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Louise Goodfield's avatar

Absolutely spot on, thank you! <3

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

<3

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Alex Hanna's avatar

I love this. Post-Partum is a ride and a half. It’s a whole new world. Enjoy the good, embrace the tough and know that there is an army of women ready to hold your hand and walk you through the parts that are that little bit harder. You are an amazing mum. 🥰 love you and wish I could be there to meet your beautiful little sleep thief 😅

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

love you!!

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Brooke C.'s avatar

This is so spot on. I felt like once I became a mother I entered through a door to a world that I didn't even know existed beforehand - even though I knew hundreds of people who went through that same door. (and actually the reason I named my substack Motherhoodland!)

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Tessa Carranza-Hawthorn's avatar

Yes it's so weird, we know the door exists yet we kind of ignore it and then feel shocked when we walk through it!

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